Straining To See Light In The Dark

So Halloween just ended and Christmas is beginning to enter conversations and it makes me think of home more than ever. Of snow, my dog, the cold, my comfy ugg boots, hot chocolate, snow forts, sledding, I even miss snow down my neck, and it makes me think of my family, and WARM hard wood floors instead of marble or ceramic tile everywhere...even though it looks great it's super cold....anyways and I think of the Christmas tree and the good old fireplace channel and all the wonderful baking and such. Christmas is going to be super weird. This week, for some reason, I have been easily annoyed. Not easily frustrated as usual, but easily annoyed. I just don't want to really be around anyone for too long and I want to stay in bed. School is being annoying. I basically found out that I'm not even in the right school! I was supposed to go to a language school. Thanks you unorganized, super dumb people who run the school system. I feel like I'm just the "English girl" and they all just went oh just put her here and here and whatever it doesn't matter she's ENGLISH. And then they realize they forgot something or messed up and are like oh she has no feelings and it won't matter to her if we throw her in more random classes where she has no idea what she's doing. She won't feel upset or anything it's the English Girl remember? I try and just say whatever it's only one year and I don't need the classes....but still. Wouldn't that bug YOU? Even just a little. Deep down inside I've felt like since I've come here I've kinda been a problem. Mostly to the school. That's why they're just throwing me around I think, because it's just too much of a hassle. I don't know. All I know is that one day during math I almost threw my desk out the window. Anyways...so now apparently I have to go to a whole other school twice a week...but this I think for once is a good thing...it's language and art...ok.....now we're getting somewhere.
But enough about school that's all I know about that.
I kinda feel like I'm losing myself a little bit. At home I normally stay very alone...always in my room or outside or just somewhere alone. Not always because I'm sad or something, it's just how I am it's what I do. I'm a thinker. I like to ponder things (which isn't always good..), I like to day dream and just float into another world. Here, I feel like if I stay in my room for a while that I'm being rude. I know I can't keep myself locked up all the time. I need to get out and hear conversations and stuff and just socialize and whatnot, which isn't a problem. But I don't know how to express that I'm a rather solitary person when I'm at the house. I need to start going for walks and runs. I need to play violin again. I need to draw. I need to do lots of things. So why aren't I doing them? I don't know. It's scaring me a bit quite frankly. I think I fight with myself a lot. I get paranoid and stressed over things that don't even exist. Especially when it involves a boy hahaha.
Speaking of boys, I've realized though many boys are super flirtatious, they all have girlfriends....almost every boy I've met here...I would say half..AT LEAST. That's more than the boys I know who have girlfriends at home. Anyways and they all call each other Amore and such names. And even though they may be flirts, they really actually love (or very close to it) that one person. Their views on what love is and all that gushy stuff are very....non-fake. I don't know how else to say it. Many of the boys at home only care about how hot the girl is...and all the....physical aspects (to put it nicely) of being with a person. And people will break up after a month, not even. It's ridiculous. But the people here have been together for months, even years. I found that quite mazing. It's not uncommon here, whereas at home, it IS uncommon now days if you're a teenager, to be together with someone for so long. People here look for love, not for a one night stand....most of them...except the people at the clubs and such things. Anyways I thought that was interesting. But yeah.
So it's Saturday night and me and Emanuela went out for a little while with some friends just walking around Botricello, but nothing special. Now I'm in bed and I'm tired so I think I'm going to call it quits for now.
Cheers,
-Little Miss Irritated For The Time Being But She Will Get Better Soon She Hopes